I Could Never
by HeelTurnx
Summary: In a perfect world, we would have been able to work out our issues. We would have sat down and talked them out, calmly, sincerely, like adults. Instead we'd yelled at each other for what seemed like hours, our lungs empty, our mouths dry, our voices breaking. tWe said hings we never should have said, things we didn't mean. Finn Balor/OC - One-shot


_Hiya! Another one-shot for your all, hope you enjoy it! Warnings: Smut, angst and fluff_

* * *

 **I Could Never**

I wasn't even sure how it had happened. Weeks after the fact, I would replay the events of that night in my head and find no reason for why it had ended this way.

In a perfect world, we would have been able to work out our issues. We would have sat down and talked them out, calmly, sincerely, like adults. Instead we'd yelled at each other for what seemed like hours, our lungs empty, our mouths dry, our voices breaking. We fought about anything that had ever been a problem in our relationship. We said things we never should have said, things we didn't mean.

 _Do you even care about me?_

 _Why are you always gone? Even if you're here, you're away._

 _You've outgrown me, you're leaving me behind._

 _I wish I'd never met you._

 _I wish I didn't love you._

When he left, he took a piece of me with him, and I stayed behind with the hope that I could erase all the hurtful things I had done and forget all the hurtful things he had said.

* * *

Finn and I had been broken up for nearly a year when I was called up to the main roster. He'd been called up roughly 18 months before that, leaving us to struggle with a long-distance relationship. We always said we would make it work regardless, because we loved each other and trusted in our bond. Before long I was a needy mess, however, calling him at every hour of the day to ask him what he was doing, why he wasn't texting me, if he was seeing someone else. I was jealous and possessive and unable to control these pathetic urges and fears that him being away meant that he would get bored with me.

I was so afraid that he would leave me, that he would realize I wasn't worth his time, not worth the energy for him to come back to Florida to see me at NXT every moment he had free. One night it all blew up. I told him this wasn't working out; he was never around and it was affecting me too much. I wasn't happy. We were trying to force something that was probably best left behind. Somehow I convinced him to leave me behind. Completely.

A year later, I was finally there. One more year is what it had taken me not only to make to the main roster, but to get over Finn. As much as I could, anyway.

I realized quickly that most people had no idea that I would be there that night. Most of the roster seemed surprised to see me arrive, my luggage in tow, seemingly lost and looking for the girls' shared locker room. The card had been changed last minute enough that they had heard nothing of my arrival, but welcomed me with open arms regardless.

It felt surreal to finally be there, and my body was swarming with a multitude of emotions I couldn't pinpoint anymore. What I could feel very clearly, however, was the slight sense of dread in the pit of my stomach at the idea of running into my ex.

I hadn't seen him since the breakup. He'd picked up his stuff at my place while I was away on tour. I moved out after that, haunted by the sight of our half empty apartment after he was gone. Through conversations in the past few months, I had also found out that he was seeing someone, and I was torn between wanting to be happy for him and needing him to be just as miserable as I was by myself.

 _You broke up with him_ , I told myself. _This is on you._

It was all my fault, I knew that, and it made it so much worse. I'd chased him away into someone else's arms because I was afraid of losing him. I thought being the one to break things off would make it easier on myself, somehow, but it wasn't. Now we weren't together and I also felt like the most terrible human being in the world for hurting him.

"Riley!"

I heard my name being called and spun on my heels, only to be met with Sami's wide grin as he pulled me into a tight hug.

"Sami!" I laughed back, already feeling better now that I was seeing a familiar face. Him and I had been friends in NXT as well and had kept in touch ever since he'd been called up. It had been weird with Finn and I breaking up, since Sami and him were so close, but I still considered him one of my best friends.

"I had no idea this was happening today!" he said, genuinely surprised, and I congratulated myself for being able to keep it a secret from him just so that I could see his face.

"I wanted to surprise you," I winked, a proud grin spreading across my face.

"Well, you've succeeded."

I told Sami all about getting there, from meeting with Triple H a few times about my future in the company to finally being told I was moving up, having to keep it a secret from everyone as to not spoil my debut, etc. He drank my words the whole time, reliving it with me as I felt palpitations erupt in my stomach simply from remembering the whole thing. I felt truly amazed that I'd made it this far. I was quite literally achieving all my dreams.

Almost.

"So when are you coming out?" Sami finally asked me once I was done with my story.

"Just around ten, I'm challenging Sasha to the London Takeover match we never had," I told him, excited at the thought.

Sasha and I had missed each other by a hair in NXT. I had gotten there almost just as she was leaving, and for a moment it was announced that we would have a match right before her and Bayley had battled for the belt, but it never happened and Sasha was pulled up. Now, however, I was there, and I was getting my match.

"Oh, that's great! I'm looking forward to seeing that."

I smiled at Sami, thankful that he could always motivate me to do anything. Sami was my go-to hype guy, despite having been around Mojo Rawley for a while. Somehow, he always had a way to encourage me in the right direction.

I was about to tell him that when something flashed in his eyes and suddenly he wasn't looking at me anymore but somewhere above my head, behind me. I followed his gaze, turning my head late enough to panic strike his features, and my eyes landed on him, standing a few feet from us, frozen.

"Finn."

His name left my mouth before I could even process it, too focused on his burning eyes and stiff chest. His face showed next to no emotion, if only for some confusion, seemingly not understanding why I was there.

A heavy silence filled the air and I gulped, not knowing what to do. I was aware that I was going to see him again, but as he stood there I realized that I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to see him, to speak to him, to even breathe the same air. How could I be?

I wasn't over him. I thought I was but it was clear now that I wasn't. The look in his eyes tore through my heart like a knife, feeling weak at the thought that I couldn't go to him and wrap myself in his arms like I used to. I was painfully aware that the last time we had spoken, he had been begging me not to leave him.

 _I love ya. Please, I love ya. Ye know this, ye know ME!_

My eyes closed for a brief moment as his words echoed through my head, and when I opened them back Finn had started walking. He passed right by me, no longer looking at me, and disappeared through a hallway. My eyes fell to the floor, knowing that I would only find pity in Sami's face if I looked at him.

His hands shot forward and he placed them on my shoulders as to comfort me.

"Are you okay?"

"No."

Sami sighed deeply, unable to articulate anything that would make me feel better. I knew he felt torn between the two of us, especially now that we were meeting again after all this time. I wiggled out of his grasp softly, not meaning to refuse his comfort but being simple unable to let him pity me this much. I'd brought this on myself and I wished nothing more than to accept it and move on.

"Is he happy?" I heard myself say in a whisper. I was still looking down at the floor, almost ashamed that I'd even let the words slip.

"I…"

I felt Sami's hesitation and I knew I shouldn't have asked. Of course he was happy; he was rid of me and with someone who probably treated him better than I ever could. I cringed at the thought, fighting back tears. I swallowed them down, finally looking up as I shook my head.

"Forget it," I mumbled, attempting to walk away to get to my locker and get away from Sami's sad eyes. His hand wrapped around my wrist swiftly, though, forcing me to stay close to him. He searched my face frantically before letting out a small gasp, finally forcing me to look up at him.

"You're still in love with him, aren't you?"

My chest tightened as panic struck my features. I should have known that Sami would see right through me, he was always so good at that. My fingers trembled as I passed a hand through my hair, trying to find something to say to contradict him. I was at a loss for words and energy to even fight it.

"What difference does it make?" I asked, not giving him a chance to answer before forcing his hand away from my arm. "I need to find my locker room. I'll see you around."

My feet were heavy as my made my way through the halls, praying that I wouldn't meet anyone I knew so I wouldn't have to talk to them. I felt utterly defeated after my short encounter with Finn, an important change from my earlier excitement. I didn't know if I could handle faking enthusiasm for the sake of a conversation.

I'd barely made it to the locker room before I felt a pang of guilt hit my stomach for ditching Sami. I knew he wasn't to blame and that he was only trying to help, but I was passed help at this point.

* * *

An hour later, I was finally dressed in my ring gear, taking deep breaths as I faced the wall. It was a ritual of mine to get focused before a match and not get distracted by anything. Stare at the wall, breath slowly, forget the opponent, forget your body, focus on your mind.

It worked for me, oddly enough, even if everyone thought it was kind of silly. Everyone but Finn. He would smile at me when I did that, and kiss my forehead before I reached gorilla.

A ritual, of sorts.

Now I just had to get to gorilla on my own, passing a nervous hand through my loose hair, nervousness swirling through my belly. I wasn't someone to be anxious before a match; hell, I was at my happiest when I was in the ring. But not everyday did I make my official debut on the main roster of WWE on Monday Night Raw. This match wasn't any match, and I was determined to think of nothing else, no matter how difficult it was to ignore the circumstances surrounding my arrival.

I walked out of the locker room with determination, stopping only long enough to close the door behind me, when I was abruptly stopped by running into a large chest. I fell backwards, hitting the door with my back, soft hands falling to my bare sides to steady me.

I could remember the feel of those hands like they'd never spent any time away. My eyes shot up, falling onto Finn's flushed face as he held me still. As though he suddenly realized our compromising position, he stepped back in a rush, creating a safe distance between us. I already missed his touch, and I wrapped my arms around myself to fight the shiver running along my spine.

His cheeks had turned red from our proximity, and he looked absolutely breathtaking. I studied his face without holding back, from his piercing blue eyes to his plum lips, slightly parted as he stared me down. I suddenly wondered why he was even here, trying not to fall into the false hope that he was there to see me.

"Finn?" I spoke, desperately trying to get a sense of the reasoning behind his presence. My heart was hammering in my chest as thoughts flooded my mind. Thoughts of him wrapping me in his arms, of him kissing me and sighing through our embrace like he used to. Thinking I could work with him without those feelings coming back had been incredibly foolish.

"I came to wish ye good luck," he finally said, and I didn't realize how much I missed his voice until I heard it after this long. He seemed unsure about his words, like he couldn't believe himself that he had in fact come all this way for this. Like he shouldn't have.

"Thank you."

My previously gathered focus was completely out the window now that Finn was there; I couldn't think of anything else. It was the biggest day of my career thus far and I was making myself late by holding on to someone who probably didn't want anything to do with me. Finn nodded as though he was satisfied with the encounter and moved to walk away without warning.

"Wait!" I exclaimed without meaning to, and he turned to me with a look of longing that shattered my heart for what seemed like the hundredth time. It was as though I hadn't planned on him turning around and I was suddenly very aware that I was no idea what to tell him.

 _I still love you, please take me back?_

I shook the thought away, horrified that it had even crossed my mind. How pathetic could I be? It was bad enough that Sami knew how much I'd messed up, I didn't need Finn's eyes to be filled with pity too.

"I… Congratulations on winning the title last year."

I mentally punched myself in the face as I realized how stupid I sounded. After all this time, with everything I had to say, with all the pain in my heart, this is what I said. _Congratulations on the title._ A look of pure confusion erupted on his face and he seemed just as disappointed as I was about what I had said.

"Thanks."

I watched him walk away as my stomach twisted, feeling suddenly sick and disgusted with myself. I had no time to shake myself out of it, though, before a crew member hollered at me to let me know I was on in five minutes. I followed him to the gorilla position, trying to forget the whole thing.

 _You can mull over that train wreck_ after _you win this match,_ I told myself. I had all night to feel crappy after this, but for now, I had to focus on beating the hell out of someone, which, all things considered, shouldn't be that hard.

* * *

Surprisingly enough, I won my debut. It was a scrappy match where I nearly hurt myself four times, but in the state I was in, I was simply happy I'd coming out of it in one piece. I'd hung around for about 30 minutes after my match before heading to the hotel, feeling exhausted from accumulated stress, getting beat up pretty badly, and reliving my heartbreak all over again.

I collapsed onto my bed once I got there, not even bothering to unpack. I changed into loose clothes lazily, wearing nothing but a large shirt and boy shorts. Of course, the shirt was one of Finn's. He'd forgotten it when he left, and I had worn in so often in the past year that I nearly forgot it wasn't mine.

It was mine when Finn was mine, too. Now it was just a reminder of everything I'd messed up.

I didn't remember falling asleep but was suddenly awaken by the sound of shouting right outside my door. I hadn't even made it inside of covers and the bedside lamp was still on. I glanced at my phone quickly as the screen flashed 1:37 am. Who the hell was making so much noise this late at night?

My questions were answered rather quickly, however, when the shouts only got louder and I recognized Sami's voice as he seemed to stop right outside my door.

"This is a bad idea and you know it," Sami's shouts echoed, and I leaned forward to stare at the door as I saw two shadows from underneath the door.

"Shut up, why don't ya," the second voice said, and my eyes widened in shock as I realized it was clearly Finn, his accent and the gravel in his voice betraying him.

"I'll take you to your room, you can sleep on it, and tomorrow we'll talk-"

"I'm sleepin' on nothin'. I'm doin' this _right now_."

I had no time to try and understand what he meant until I heard loud banging on my door. Even though I knew they were there, I still jumped slightly and brought a hand to my chest, feeling my heart beating a hundred miles a minute. I had no idea what to do and what the hell Finn was thinking showing up at my door in the middle of the night. What did he have to say that couldn't wait until morning?

"Riley! Open the door. I need to speak to ya," he spat loudly, but I didn't move. I stared at the door from my position at the end of the bed and waited.

"She's sleeping, okay, just leave it alone," I heard Sami say, then Finn grunted.

"Riley, get up! Get off your ass and open tha damn door!" he kept yelling, banging on the door again, and my jaw clenched at his words. He was being incredibly rude, and what he had to say was obviously not something pleasant.

"Finn, get away from this door," Sami's aggravated tone echoed again, and I could tell he was as frustrated as I was.

"Riley! Open up, I need to speak-"

"What?"

I started them both as I flung the door open, finally having had enough of being screamed at through a door. Sami seemed terrified and looked down in shame, keeping his gaze away from my burning stare. Finn, however, was looking straight at me with hooded and unfocused eyes.

"Have you been drinking?" I asked him, realizing that he was clearly drunk, which explained his ridiculous behaviour.

"Yes," Sami answered for him, still looking at the floor.

"Lil' bit," Finn argued, still staring at me. A pregnant pause followed his words as I waited, feeling uncomfortable until his gaze in nothing for an oversized shirt. Finn's eyes traveled down my body in a flash before he looked back at my face, his features twisting in a scowl. "Can I talk to ya?"

He seemed suddenly very serious and I nodded slowly, feeling nervous out of a sudden to be alone with him. I hadn't been alone with him for so long.

"I don't know that this is a good idea," Sami spoke before any of us had time to move, and Finn turned to him angrily, but I spoke first.

"Sami, it's fine. Don't worry about it," I assured him, but he seemed hesitant to leave. "I'll call you if I need anything," I pressed on, and I saw Finn roll his eyes dramatically.

Sami reluctantly left us alone, not before he squeezed my hand gently and sent a warning look at Finn. Once he was gone, I stepped inside my room, stopping by the door to let Finn in before closing it behind him. When I turned around he was on the opposite side of the room, still just as upset as before. His eyes went back to my body and I felt completely naked before him.

"That's ma shirt."

 _Oh._

I instinctively looked down at myself as well, as though only remembering what I was wearing as he said it. I could only imagine what he might be thinking, how confusing it might be to see me in his clothes after waking me up in the middle of the night, a year after our break up.

"I sleep in it," I mumbled, swallowing nervously as his eyes filled with what I could only describe as rage.

"How dare ya!" His voice was suddenly as loud as it had been when he was yelling through the door, and I jumped back. He took a deep breath, his chest heaving as a look of disbelief flashed his face.

"I-I'm sorry, I'll give it back, let me just-" I stuttered, reaching for my luggage to try and grab something else to wear, but he kept yelling and I froze into place.

"How _fuckin'_ dare ya, showin' up here after a _year_ and getting inside ma head," he spat, his index fingers jamming the side of his head roughly.

"I didn't-" I tried explained, but he once again cut me off.

"Yes ya did! You're here! That's all it takes."

He stopped himself for a moment, breathing heavily, his fist clenched on either side of him and his jaw stiff. His nostrils flared as he started pacing the room, trying to calm himself down.

"Why are ya wearin' my shirt?" he finally asked, his voice lower but still laced with angry venom. "Better yet, why are ye goin' around tellin' people that ye still love me?"

My breath caught in my throat as I gasped in panic, having not anticipated this question in the slightest. Then again, I had not anticipated anything that had happened in the last twenty minutes. I suddenly felt sick, my stomach turning and my heart quickening at an alarming rate. I stayed silent, at a complete loss on what to say. I wasn't even surprised that Sami had told him. They were friends before I came along. They loved each other like brothers. It had possibly only taken a few drinks before he'd spilled it all out, and I wasn't even upset with him. I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Once again, I was my own worst enemy.

"Nothin', huh?" he snapped me out of my black hole I was currently crawling into, looking through my eyes for some sort of answer. I had none. Instead my eyes filled with tears, and I tried so hard to keep them at bay, but to no avail.

"I'm sorry," I chocked out, having nothing better to give him. I buried my face in my hands to hide my sorrow away, wishing he was gone and I could live my heartache in peace. "I'm so sorry," I spoke through my hands, letting a sob through as I prayed to just disappear inside my own skin.

"What for?" he spoke, his voice still rough, but softer. I felt him step forward, getting closer to me in a swift movement. "For leavin' me? For hurtin' me? For breaking my fucking heart?"

"For everything," I sobbed, finally dropping my hands to my sides. "For not trusting you, for letting my fears get in the way of us, for ever thinking that we were better off apart…" I trailed off, as though a fountain and finally spilling out of me through my tears. "I was so scared that you would wake up one day to realize I wasn't what you wanted, that I was holding you back. I thought you were bound to get tired of me."

Silence filled the room following my confession and I glanced up at him with watery eyes, anxious but relieved, like a heavy load had just been lifted off my shoulders. I'd been holding on to those words for eighteen months. It felt freeing to finally say them.

Finn's features slowly soften, but I could tell he was still torn between different emotions. He was still mad, that was for sure, but sadness was taking over, and his shoulders slumped after behind stiff for so long.

"I could never…" he whispered, but I heard him quite clearly since he was now so close to me. "I could never get tired of ya. _Never_." He accentuated the last word sternly and hesitantly brought his hands up to my face, wiping away a few tears with shaky fingers.

"I miss you," I admitted, closing my eyes and leaning into his fingers. His soft touch was mesmerizing, especially after thinking I would never get to feel it for so long.

"I miss ya too, love."

His other hand made its way to my face until he was wiping tears on each side of my cheeks. When my face was dry, he let go, and I thought I might break from the separation.

"Did ya mean it?" he asked me, and I furrowed my eyebrows in a questioning look. "Ye still love me."

I nodded, needing a second to find my voice. "I could never stop, not even if I tried."

"Me neither."

I felt a wave of warmth fill my entire body as the words left his mouth, and suddenly he'd taken the last step towards me to grab my face in his hands once again, his lips meeting mine in a frantic kiss. I was so excited I could barely feel my fingers, but I pawed at his shirt regardless, pulling him as close to me as it was physically possible. His tongue swiped across my lower lip, asking for entrance, and I happily obliged.

I'd missed so much of this, his touch, his voice, his kisses. The feelings were overwhelming but very welcomed, and I had no objection when Finn used his hands to grab onto my hips to lift me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. His used the new position to move us to the bed, all the while never breaking our kiss. He pulled away when my back collided with the mattress, caressing hair out of my face before resting his forehead against mine. We were both breathless, clawing at each other as to not miss out on a single touch.

"What about your girlfriend?" I blurted out, the realization hitting me like a ton of bricks. I had no idea where he stood at that moment, wondering if I was making this out to be more than what it was. Would he go back to his girlfriend after a final goodbye to me?

"Who?" Finn breathed out, his eyebrows furrowed together.

"Your… Sami said-" I stammered.

"Sami said what?" he cut me off, getting stiffer above me. Anger flooded his face all over again.

"Forget it, just forget it," I pleaded, pulling his face for another kiss. He kissed me back slowly, letting me take charge in our embrace before I let him pull back.

"Sami told ye I was datin' someone?" he insisted, and I could only nod, still holding onto to his face. Finn sighed, closing his eyes momentarily before staring down at me again. "He lied."

"What?"

Finn sighed, then cleared his throat, his eyes leaving mine for a brief moment.

"I haven't been with anyone else. I-I couldn't," he admitted, and I would be lying if I said it didn't bring me pure happiness to hear that.

"Then why would he-"

"He probably thought it'd make ya move on faster," he theorized, and somehow it made sense. That was a very Sami thing to do, thinking he was helping. He'd been wrong, though, because it had simply hurt me more. And I didn't move on at all.

"Sami's an idiot."

Finn chuckled, tension leaving his shoulders once again. His smiled was just as bright and welcoming as I remembered it, and I couldn't help but return it. His fingers traced my cheeks absentmindedly and I realized then that this meant just as much to him and it did to me. This wasn't a one-time thing. This was us getting together again, and giving it our best shot.

"Soooo… where were we?" I teased, leaving my hand fall to his chest to feel his hard muscles underneath his shirt.

"I think I was about t'a fuck the daylights outta ya," Finn smirked, and I let out a shaky breath as his words sent a shiver straight to my core.

"Oh, yeah let's do that."

Finn didn't wait a second longer before his mouth was on mine again, his hand traveling my body hungrily, squeezing my thighs, my hips, my breasts. I pulled at his shirt, signaling him to get rid of it, and he did, sliding out of it in one movement. I welcomed the sight of his chest, having missed it against me. My hands went to his shoulder, the down his abdomen, feeling every inch on his skin until I reached his belt. He let me unbuckle it, knowing how much I loved doing it, before he took care of discarding the rest of his pants, leaving me long enough to stop out of step before he was back on top of me.

He was now only in his boxer as I still wore his oversized shirt and my panties. I grabbed at the hem of the shirt, ready to peel it off and reveal myself to him, but his hand fell on mine to stop me.

"Don't. I wanna fuck ya in it."

I whimpered breathlessly, nodding, as he went to pull it up only enough to it rested above my breasts. He dipped his head down, slowly kissing the valley between my breasts, and I watched as he leaned in to catch one of my nipples with his teeth, nibbling on it slightly before soothing it with a flick of his tongue. I moaned loudly, unable to control my voice, my body arching into him to give him more access. He repeated the motion on my other nipple, getting the same reaction from me.

"Finn, I need you right now, _please_."

"Sure thing, love."

His mouth met mine in a passionate kiss as his hand trailed down my body, his index finger lashing the top of my panties, slowly peeling them down, his lips still on mine, our tongues dancing. One my underwear was off, he wasted no time in getting rid of his, and finally we were both – nearly – naked in front of each other.

We shared a long for one more moment, anticipation building up painfully between us, before his member was teasing my entrance. I whimpered, my hands finding his back as he slid into me, easing himself in until I was comfortable.

I'd missed the feel of him inside of me, how big he was, how perfectly we fitted together. He started moving slowly at first, and I moaned through every thrust, already on the edge even though it was barely been a few minutes. Finn kissed me deeply as he sped up, and I could tell he was just as impatient as I was.

"Faster, baby, please," I cried, arching my back so he could lean back enough to fill me in even deeper. His movement sped up until he was basically ramming into me, and I welcomed every hit with pure bliss.

"Ya look so fuckin' beautiful like this," he breathed out, grabbing one of my legs to hook it over his shoulder. "Just like that."

The new position, Finn's words, his flushed face; all was enough to send me over the edge, screaming out his name as he kept moving inside of me. "Oh my god, oh my god," I mumbled, riding my high, clenching around him. He let out a shaky roar before I felt him fill me up, his hips slowing down as his own orgasm flooded through him.

He collapsed on top of me, both of us breathless and falling into each other's arms. He pulled the covers over our naked forms, pulling down his shirt on my body before wrapping his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest, feeling happier than I had in what seemed like forever.

"Remind me to thank Sami," I laughed, looking up at him. He grinned at me, kissing my forehead before he spoke.

"I'll do ya one better: ye thank him, and I'll punch him in the face."

"Sounds good."

* * *

 _Hope you liked it! Leave a review!_


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